Perfect Vs Progress
We see our children as perfect because we love them so deeply but just as God sees us as perfect through Jesus, He is also aware of our fallibility and our human nature that is far from perfect. Often the perfect vision we have of our children leaks across into how they see themselves. We strive to bolster their self-esteem and self-belief but often in the process we leave them thinking that perfect is normal and anything short of perfect is failure.
Kids drop out of sports because other kids are better, they give up learning musical instruments because it is taking too long to master, they don’t try at school because they can’t be the “best”. Their self-esteem drops as they measure against “perfect” and think that others who do achieve things ARE perfect (normal) therefore I am a failure (abnormal).
We need to help our kids shift their focus off what they do and onto who they are. Perfect doesn’t exist. In this world of media saturation we are sold “perfect” constantly; bodies, diets, exercise, families, houses, holidays, jobs, etc., etc. Our kids live in that world too, thinking the media portrayal of perfect life is real and so they measure against that and against our encouragement. Kids aren’t stupid, they know when they don’t compare well with others and no amount of us dressing up that fact to encourage them will help. How we can help them is grounding them in the real world, showing them that they may not be THE best but they can improve in any area they choose. Showing them that “failure” is part of life and part of improvement. Showing them that people who achieve work hard at that area of their life but will have shortcomings in other areas too (sports people, Olympians, skilled tradespeople, professionals). To measure their success as their progress, not their end point (getting ten out of ten in two tests means very little, going from 4 out of ten to 7 means you are learning, improving who you are). Help them to stop comparing themselves with others but to take a realistic look at themselves and then help them form a plan to become someone better than that, in whatever area that is; maths, sports, fitness, diet, study habits, kindness, etc.
Taking a realistic look is difficult and confronting, but it is something we all need to do. We as adults and parents need to do this too. Be realistic about your marriage, your job, your attitude, your faith. But don’t be disappointed, use it as a launching place to progress, to make a plan to improve. As you do this you will be able to help your kids do this and you will be modelling to them how to overcome problems and to progress through life. We can teach our kids not to be disappointed in what they see in themselves but just to see it as a fact and a starting place. Somewhere to progress from. A place that gives them the information they need to form a plan to progress. Teaching them that fundamental, God given truth, that life is about our journey, being transformed day by day, and that in reality we will never reach perfection in this life but that life is all about growing and progressing to become someone better than we were before, not about comparing ourselves to others. And most importantly that we are loved JUST AS WE ARE.
We are “Ready as we are; growing as we go”.
