Editorial Comments

Don’t you love those little extra comments that take a simple observation of something you’ve done or are doing and give it a real sting in the tail.

“That’s a good job, almost as good as Frank does it”,

 “You are really late, like usual”,

 “I see you’ve been misbehaving, again”,

 “Why can’t you keep your clothes clean, like your sister?”

Those small additions to our comments carry with them a lifetime of our own frustration and disappointment and sometimes even our envy or pride. Those comments also carry a message to the listener.

“You are not good enough”, “You will always be the worst no matter what you do”, “You are a failure”.

Kids drink in these comments without even noticing, the same way we tend to say them without noticing. Over time this starts to shape how they see themselves and the world around them. Kids start to see themselves as the sum of their behaviour and achievements. And if those are not good then that means they are not good; not a worthy person, not as good as other people.

They can either become addicted people pleasers; trying to win constant confirmation of their worthiness all their life or they can become disillusioned and without hope; resigning themselves to being second class citizens in the world.

Editorial comments equal judgement. Every time you use them you are judging your kids, not their behaviour but their very person. Matthew 7:1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged”

Sometimes we do this because it is happened to us as children at home or school, sometimes we just do it from sheer frustration. But whatever the cause we have to stop! Our children are precious to the Creator of the universe, who are we to pass any sort of judgement on them? Like we are so special and have our lives so together?

When you comment keep to the facts. Say it as it is. Good job”, “You are late”, “You’ve been misbehaving”, “Your clothes are dirty”. Kids will heap enough judgement on themselves (just like we do on ourselves) so they need you in their corner giving them the encouragement and strategies to overcome their short comings. How can they improve? How can they be on time? Why are they misbehaving, can you help them? How can they play but not get so messy?

Don’t be a judge, be a coach; someone who thinks their kids are the best on the planet and will work with them to let the rest of the world see that!